I'd start at the beginning if I knew where that was.

I can't just be creative on command. I can't whip anything out from under my skirt just because I'm in a new little cyberspace with a fancy new backdrop. But, I can say that I'm happy to be branching out into a more ...tailored... version of the Open Diary concept.

The "Open Diary" was around before "blog" was a term. "It's like an online journal," I'd say. "It organizes your entries by date. People can read what you write and even comment on it for others to see. Everyone writes under a pen-name..." I can clearly remember having to explain this concept to people- no one had heard of it I didn't tell many of my friends about it- only a few. I figured it would get me into trouble. I wrote about friends, and about lovers. One day I got so paranoid that one of these lovers may have discovered my Open Diary, and I deleted pages of writing. Eventually the thing deleted itself when I stopped using it so religiously. Poof, gone. Just like that. And it was just as well anyhow, the site had been bombarded by juveniles with nothing better to say than, "BRAD IS SOOOO HOT!!!" with about 5000 times the number of exclamation points.

It was always odd to think that someone besides myself was reading my journal. Now, it's odd to have a journal that isn't public in one way or another.

As for THIS journal- I hope it's a place to purge and release. I hope to reap the benefits of disclosure, and I hope anyone who visits will reap the benefits of my honesty. I try so hard not to contrive; to be lyrical without being artificial. To be passionate without being preachy. To be connected without being a new-aged flake. (If I recognize the stereotype, does that mean I still fall into it?)

I have so many many emotions and notions and commotions crashing around in my head and heart and bones... and it's often very difficult to put that shit into words. It's so difficult to put that shit into any visible form. Maybe it's just hard to find the right people to share it with. Most of the free-spirited and open-hearted people that relate to me are not the type to be grounded by a communication box, a.k.a computer. I like the way the screen centers me and channels my thoughts from my head to my fingers into characters into words into thoughts that speak back to me and reach others at the same time. I think it's amazing- and still, I think I live a little too attached to this type of expression. I would like to put myself out there physically as ferociously as I put myself out there mentally. I seem to take more risks with sharing my mind than I do with sharing any part of myself in the flesh.

Ahhh, I should back up and attempt some linear, structured introductory thought. But, I've had one mega-glass of wine, which constitutes for 3 I'm sure, so I would rather trail off at this vulnerable and incomplete moment in hopes that it does not end as abruptly as---

So, is this a good start?