From the archives

Sometimes, when I get overwhelmed or stunned at how quickly the last 10 years have passed, I'll pull out an old journal. I think it's important to periodically look back and see where my mind was at. It's like reading a letter from an old acquaintance. Weird, sure... but that's the way I've always looked at it, and while new journals are for writing in, the old ones are most certainly for reading.

Here's what I opened up to tonight... (in which I am very tempted to change the line breaks , but will not in order to honor authenticity.) It's scribbled and not very well thought out or constructed- but the state of mind I claimed at that time is what gets me. I don't remember that confidence, but this is apparently a record of it:

Oct 14th, 2001

Yes,
I have swam
to both ends of my being. I have
raced with myself. Sometimes
I win, others I lose.
But I have
learned each time, received prizes unfathomable.

I have impressed my soul.
I have lied to my head.
I have nourished and starved my very heart-
and it has all been in love.
In love with the breath I truly breathe,
and the steps I truly take.
Not with the face I contort, the voice
I stifle and the belly I tighten,
but with the honest and able woman
I embody.

I have swam to both her ends
and all her beginnings.
I didn't skip a single in-between,
and I am proud of every moment,
until now.
Now,
I am only in awe.